You'll always be my favourite what if
It's a never ending journey of wondering what your child would have been like, wondering what they would have looked like, which personality traits they would have, how they would have changed the dynamics of your family.
It isn't easy living day to day wondering "what if". Unfortunately for most parents who have experienced a loss they will spend a little bit of each day wondering what their missing child would be doing.
This is a loss that has no time limit for wondering. Each birthday, Christmas, 1st day of school, school play, family event will always pull a bereaved parents mind to the "what if" part of their grief. You may never notice a bereaved parent wondering these thoughts, but as they stare at the group of happy children running and playing together they may be wondering would their child be in the thick of the fun. Would they be arty, funny, deep thinking, the "joker" of the group. Who would they have been.
The uncertainty of not knowing can be the hardest part on ongoing grief. It can catch you by surprise as your mind melts to how old your child is and what stage of life they may be at. Even as your missing child ages into adulthood, the wondering never leaves.
Grieving the loss of a baby or child never leaves you.